My experience
I get it: Life keeps us jumping from one obligation to the next, and our to-do lists are never-ending. Also, I don't know about you, but I am a hardcore procrastinator. Oh, and a perfectionist. Both of which add to the battle of forcing my rump into a seat to write. But here are two hard truths I encourage you to sit with:
First, we can't find time by rummaging through our miscellaneous drawer or the bottom of a purse. If we truly consider something important, we need to make time—because even though the circumstances may change, life's chaos remains relatively the same year in and year out. Second, if you have time to scroll on your phone, you have time to write. (That realization blew my mind.)
We can't find time by rummaging through our miscellaneous drawer or the bottom of a purse.
Okay, so how exactly do you make time to write when your plate is always full?
You start here:
1. Schedule it
Sometimes the most obvious, simple actions are the ones we tend to overlook. So, challenge yourself and reconsider your schedule, hour by hour, and identify any gap you can designate for writing, preferably at the same time every day to solidify this habit. Those gaps can be as small as 5 minutes.
To help you do this, I created a sample schedule and an example of what this can look like in my free guide, “4 Steps to Help You Finish a First Draft.”
Please, don’t overlook this step. Designating 5–20 minutes of writing every day can have an accumulating, positive impact—and not just in terms of increasing your word count. Expressive writing can improve the immune system, increase happiness, decrease depression, help process trauma, increase work performance, etc., according to Adam Green in “The Power of the Pen: How to Boost Happiness, Health, and Productivity.”
2. Have a backup plan, or two
Otherwise, losing that time can leave me frustrated, furious, even resentful, and I don’t want to add those feelings to any already difficult situations.
Busy lives require that we remain flexible. Despite our best efforts to create schedules and routines, life still likes to surprise us and knock us off our feet. Birthdays and anniversaries can pop up monthly, you might come down with a nasty cold, snow might cancel school, work might move up your deadline—you name it. So, apply flexibility to your writing plan.
After you’ve identified your primary writing time (see step 1), pick two more potential times. Having backup time slots enables me to handle changing schedules with a calmer mind because I know I have another chance to regain my writing time. Otherwise, losing that time can leave me frustrated, furious, even resentful, and I don’t want to add those feelings to any already difficult situations.
Caution: Be mindful of how you view those backup time slots. If you keep saying, “Oh, I’ll just do it later,” you’ll transform your backup plan into a procrastination tactic. Instead of staying flexible, you’ll reinforce the idea that your writing isn’t actually a priority. Those extra time slots are for an emergency change of plans only—and dirty dishes don’t count as an emergency.
For me, if I can’t write in the morning, then my next opportunity is during my kids' TV time. That’s right: Their time to relax and zone out is also my time to relax and focus. If that plan falls through, then I’ll write for 10 minutes after they’ve fallen asleep. After all, we can do almost anything for only 10 minutes.
3. Reorder your priorities
Rather than thinking “I can’t write until I do the dishes,” tell yourself “I can’t do the dishes until I sit down and write for at least 5 minutes.”
In order to make time for your writing, you need to elevate it on your priority list. We’re always going to have to tackle dishes, start another load of laundry, plan the next grocery run, clean the house, etc. The to-do list, as I said earlier, is never ending.
That's why we need to rethink one of the first lessons our parents or teachers taught us—that we can't have fun until we’ve finished all our work. Don't get me wrong: It was a great lesson when that meant cleaning our room or finishing our homework. But as adults, our work never ends. In fact, constantly focusing on the next to-do brings us closer to reaching burn out.
Instead, view your writing as one of your three major priorities for the day, and don't let guilt pull you down. Elevating your need to write doesn't mean you diminishing your family's needs or your work obligations. You're simply saying your personal goals are equally important. And they are. You are equally important.
So, rather than thinking “I can’t write until I do the dishes,” tell yourself “I can’t do the dishes until I sit down and write for at least 5 minutes.” Let that idea sink in. Then ask yourself what can become possible for you, for your family, and for your dreams if you allow yourself that time.
4. Take advantage of unexpected free moments
Gaps open up in our schedule at unexpected times: standing in line at a store, waiting in a parking lot, hiding in the bathroom (we've all done it), etc. Be ready for these gaps.
Store your current work in progress (WIP) on the cloud so you can access it anywhere, anytime. Keep multiple writing tools easily accessible, whether that's a notebook, your phone's note app, a voice memo—whatever you have on hand. Then, during your primary writing time, transfer those messy notes into your WIP.
For me, I keep my draft on the cloud until I’ve finished it, so whenever I’m in the midst of another scheduling gap, I can open that doc on my phone and capture another idea or two.
Again, it’s all about flexibility.
5. Advocate for yourself
If you have the itch to express yourself creatively, an itch you can’t ignore, then speak up and advocate for that urge. Start with yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I'm making writing a priority. I give myself permission to experiment and have fun today.”
Next, tell your family what time you’ve designated for writing or quiet self-reflection (whatever you want to call it). If you have an active household, explain you need a few moments alone to clear your head. If you're a spouse or parent, you can say something as simple as, “Hey, I’m going to step away for a little bit to clear my mind. After I’m done, we’ll do [insert family activity].”
Just like writing, this self-advocacy part takes practice, so don’t fret if your family doesn’t listen the first 30 times.
If you have little ones, you can also set a timer. When (not if) they seek you out for a non-emergency, gently but firmly tell them, “I definitely want to hear what you have to say, but the timer hasn’t gone off yet, and my brain is still tired. As soon as the timer beeps, I’ll come find you. I can’t wait to hear your story and snuggle with you some more. I’ll be out soon.”
When my youngest was 3 years old, he needed about 2 months to adjust to momma’s writing time. Whenever he interrupted me, I acknowledged him, gave him a hug, and patiently reminded him what I shared above. Both my kids are used to my writing time now. As for my husband, usually I'm writing while he's playing video games.
In short, just like writing, this self-advocacy part takes practice. So don’t fret if your family doesn’t listen the first 30 times. As you make this a habit, you’ll build healthy boundaries and model how your family can and should take care of their needs too.
Keep writing
Making time to write can feel daunting, sometimes even impossible, but you can do this. You deserve to do this. We all deserve to go after our dreams. Isn't that what you would tell your best friend? Now, tell yourself that. You've got this.
